phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
