Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
