my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
