sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.