My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from