she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.