I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?