I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
