I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
