Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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