It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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