I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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