They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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