I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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