Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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