So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
