I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
