Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
