I puked a lego.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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