ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize