you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
