took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
