grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
