ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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