Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
