i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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