: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize