last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
