I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
