Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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