Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
love makes seman taste better
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
