I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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