So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
