cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
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I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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