I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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