tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
