found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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