You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
