I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
