I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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