I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
