He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
