A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
