I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
