Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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