i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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