hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just forgot I was standing up.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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