Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
