OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
