I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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