sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drake has all the answers
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
