Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
