I have demons in me.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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