My liver just broke up with me...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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