We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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