I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what day is it and did you see me today?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize