I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
