i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
