Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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