Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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