I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
