best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
