Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
