i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
